Self Doubt Monster

Good morning and happy Monday to everyone!

When I got to work this morning, a bit grumpy with a case of the Mondays, my co-worker came up to me and said that she had a dream about me.  In this dream I was sitting with my head hung low and I was sad because I had to make a decision that I did not want to make.  Hearing her dream really gave me chills because I think there have been a lot of decisions I have been facing lately.  Brandon and I have been planning on moving to a larger city, I've been thinking about getting a different job, I've been struggling with the idea of ‘religion’ etc.  With each big decision comes a whole other side of life that you leave behind and a whole hell of a lot of self doubt if you’re anything like me. 

After talking to several people, and reading other blogs that deal with the same issues I think it would benefit everyone to address the elephant in the room.  Self doubt is this crippling thing that plagues lots and lots of people, and sometimes for no reason. It’s the voice in the back of your head that tells you that you aren't good enough or that you aren't smart enough or talented enough or just not enough of something to accomplish what you are hoping for.  I mean, I don’t care who you are or how confident you are- you have these thoughts at least every now and then.  I am a very secure person and you would never think that I struggle with self doubt in many aspects of my life.  I’m not skinny enough, I’m not a good enough daughter or sister, I’m not motivated enough, I’m not financially responsible enough, I don’t work hard enough, I’m too old to still be acting this way and I constantly struggle with being a good enough girlfriend.  I can say that I honestly think that all of those thoughts are equally as motivating as they are poisonous.  But the real trick is figuring out how to turn those potentially destructive thoughts into inspiration. 

When these thoughts begin to creep up, or more like completely take over, it can cause anxiety that is absolutely exhausting.  I have been dealing with such thoughts (and I know I’m not the only one) lately and whether it is related to the shift in seasons or the time change where it is dark by like 6 pm it has been taking up too much space in my head.    A fight with a loved one, a bad remark from a co-worker or a boss, a concerned look from a relative or an unsatisfying look in the mirror can send you over the edge.  Sometimes it takes a slight breakdown to realize that something needs to change.  I am speaking not only about my own life but also on behalf of several people who have expressed certain similar feelings here recently.  So this is my advice:

Pause. Breathe. Remember who you are and how you got to where you are today.  It hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows leading up to right now.  It doesn't matter how bad things are right now they will get better, even if they get worse first. 

Reach out.  Talk to someone about how you’re feeling no matter how proud you are.  You can’t deal with everything by yourself, and I recently found that my very best friend was dealing with very similar matters and a mere lunch date with good conversations made me ten times better.

Don’t compare yourself to ANYONE else.  As hard as that seems, this can often be one of the biggest drivers of self doubt.  When you look at someone else your same age or from your same school that is doing better than you or who is better off you are putting yourself below them and that’s wrong.  They are on a completely different path, and what you may see as better off is really just different.  Don’t compare, just aspire.  See what you want and go after it, the only thing stopping you is yourself.  It’s great to have role models and people that inspire you, but don’t see yourself as their inferior, just realize they are in a different place in life than you.  You will be there soon if you work towards that.

Don’t listen to your self doubt monster.  It is your worst enemy and the biggest prevention of creativity and positivity and love.  You can’t be inspired to create or to express yourself when you don’t actually believe that you can.  There is no failure where there was genuine effort.  This life is yours to try and to fall and to learn and to make mistakes and that’s perfectly normal, what isn't normal is preventing yourself from succeeding because you’re scared or self doubting.  You are beautiful, you are able and with a little desire you can be anything you want to be.  Now, please for the both of us, let’s all start believing this.

As cheesy and unlike me as this post is, sometimes you have to cross your own boundaries and do things you don’t want to in order to change where you are… Stop walking down that beaten path and try something new.  Push yourself.  Fight that monster within.